News Bulletin:

Sighentists including No-Bell Prize Winner Dr. Honks Hisworth, Metapsychiatrists including world-famous Dr. Lettit Goh, and East Indian Gurus including Sri Sri Ha-Ha-Ha, have discovered a new, very important Chakra …

Special Report to this Web-site!

(UPI LaughingCow, Pennsylvania, U.S.A.): Sighentists, Metapsychiatrists, and East Indian Gurus in conference here have found that the problems of humanity can be placed under one heading:

Seriousness.

“Seriousness is the leading cause of everything from Cancer to Reincarnation,” Chair-Clown Dr. Won Wurhldview announced today at the Bi-Millenia Meeting of the World Council of Spiritual Frivoloty.

In an incredibly rare and possibly unprecedented move of not wanting to be accused of discovering a cause without also discovering a way of naturally healing the cause, the sighentists here have pin-pointed a psychic energy point located between the heart chakra and the throat chakra which they have studied exhaustively and which they feel is key to understanding how to find relief:

The Clown Chakra!

“If people are feeling miserable, if they have financial problems, if their relationship is the pits, if they are in ill health, if they find a need to sue people, if they find fault with their siblings, then obviously, their Clown Chakra is closed,” No-Bell Sighentist Dr. Honks Hisworth announced.

“When this happens, our multi-national team have observed, using high-powered, state of the art microscopy, that the cells of every organ display a sad face.”

Dr. Hisworth further states that in close meditative collaboration with the East Indian Gurus on the team, all have self-realized that if people have become ill, it is because their minds have projected guilt onto the cells of the body and have forced out the love that is normally found within each cell of the body. “The cells are therefore saying, I Lack Love,or ILL for short,” intoned Sri Sri Ha-Ha-Ha. “After many millenia of meditative musing, we have determined that all disease is due to the fact that the cells are out of ease, or dis-eased,” she stated.

Metapsychiatrist Dr. Lettit Goh observed: “When the Clown Chakra is opened and working (er, playing) properly, its psychic mechanisms suck up misery, pain, anger, resentment, grievances, unhappiness, etc., and convert the energy into tiny red heart-shaped balloons.

“The red heart-shaped balloons contain Love and Joy. These balloons are then directed to the dis-eased cells or situation, and a happy face appears instantly.”

“Sometimes these red, heart-shaped balloons are called endorphins, due to the fact that when anyone experiences them, the feeling of separation ends. They experience being back home with All That Is and hence are no longer an orphan. This is the well-known end-orphan (endorphin) effect,” Dr. Goh concluded.

So if you think someone is attacking you, the authorities here recommend that you visualize sending that person red, heart-shaped balloons filled with Love and Joy.

Keep your Clown Chakra open! Laugh!

 

Yup, Dr. Liz authorized this, and has significantly played with … er, enhanced … an email attributed to John Morton. Thank you, Mr. Morton, for the inspiration! D

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